breathe

My life is a mess now. Especially when he cries non-stop. I have to swallow my food, i have to be in the kitchen after meal to get ready Khye's things. Hubby will have to take care of Khye in the living room. That little fella will be either trying to climb all over him/furniture or fall and knocks his head on the floor. Right after that i only get to watch The Nanny for a good laugh for like 20mins or so then after that i have to express milk before getting ready to bed. Yes, we go to bed before 8.30pm to get Khye to sleep. I practically scream on every night before Khye goes to sleep. It annoys me a lot to hear him cry. I've been hiting his little thighs and arms so often, when i should be soothing him. I'm getting out of control.

Hubby has been really patient with the Khye and I, no complaints and no throwing tantrum like i do. When both us make the house turns upside down, he will still be sitting beside us trying to help. It's kind of unfair to him. His job has stressed him a lot and yet he has to bear with his crazy wife and cranky baby.

Yesterday night, i lost my temper at hubby again. Actually it was just crazy and unreasonable, but i just lost it. The whole of yesterday was the most peaceful day after Khye was born. I had enough sleep from the night before & khye slept for like 3 hours straight after his feed at 10.30am. What more can i ask...but i just had to spoil the day at night. If i were hubby, i think i would have slapped myself. I dunno why i acted the way i am now. My life is a mess, hubby's life is a mess cos of me. I want to send Khye off, i need space to breathe. It's going to be a year and i'm still not getting used to having Khye around.