Monday, July 30, 2007

my thought

After finishing our usual house chores in Saturday, both of us rested on the sofa while watching Astro. Feeling too tired, both of us went unconscious for about almost 2 hours when i suddenly jolted up with an empty feeling. Not sure whether i was dreaming or it's my subconscious mind, i sort of regretted didn't go to visit ah kong in the hospital. All of a sudden, i could feel my eyeballs swimming and i told hubby we should go visit ah kong in the hospital no matter what. We went to LWE & tried searching for the correct room. Dare not call mum as she said i can't go into the hospital now. So in the found his name on the wall & the moment i saw him lying on his bed, my tears dropped again. He was lying there with both hands tied up to the side of the bed & his skinny legs were exposed. The nurses had to tie him up since he cannot stop pulling out the oxygen tube. He looked so old and haggard. When i tried to touch his hands, he asked me to go away thinking i'm a nurse. I wore all white that day :P Although all his hands are tied up, his eyes & hands are still very active, moving non-stop just like what he did while at parent's apartment. Doctor said he cannot consume solid food for the rest of his life now, so now he has to be fed using RT feeding. A tube will be inserted thru his nose directly into his stomach and liquid food will be poured into the tube. I cannot imagine if i were him. God is fair to him, god makes him senile and he is now like a small kid, not knowing what's going on around him. He only knows how to request for rice & teh tarik. If i were to live as long as he does, i hope i'm healthy and will not a burden to my next generation.

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